by Barry Taylor ND
Let’s look at some basic fundamental “must haves” for sexual intimacy and good sex. Let me know what you think about these tips. Which do you think are important for you besides having the right partner to practice with?
1. Communication is essential for connection. I do not mean conversation that is information exchange. The importance of feeling seen and respected, speaking and listening with empathy, and being responsible for how we are critical and judgmental sets the tone for wanting to be physically intimate. I have enjoyed using Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg to support my self in learning the differences between wants and needs and practicing listening skills.
2. Self-Esteem is critical. To give yourself permission to have fun, enjoy physical pleasure and create emotional intimacy should be a high priority on your “must have” list of things in life; beyond things, money or the demands of being successful at work. Sexual intimacy requires a willingness to be playful and to have fun be a significant part of our routine except for the most demanding circumstances. Some people do not believe fun is critical to their well-being and that sex has to be serious.
3.Feeling emotionally centered and grounded is important to feel present and able to make clear choices. Safety is a necessity for sexual intimacy. Emotions like anxiety, fear, anger or sadness often preoccupy our awareness. These negative states can take up energy that either preoccupies us to not feel sexual, or completely blocks our capacity to connect and to feel aroused or interested in sexual energy. Read more