by Danielle MacKinnon
Most people strive to be the best friend they can be to their family, loved one, friends and partners. For many of us, that means a fun night out with the girlfriends, talking with one another on Facebook, a good movie a glass of
wine and a good friend who has the same crazy sense of humor... But for some people, those laboring under certain challenging Soul Contracts, friendship extends way beyond that. If you find that most of your friends are having some
type of personal problem that requires you to answer the phone for them at 2 am or that your friends are always in need of rides, help with breakups, short on money, or disorganized – you may have some Soul Contracts around support and giving and receiving that it’s high time you starting paying attention to.
A Soul Contract is a little deal you subconsciously make with yourself through
which you intend to help yourself in some way. A typical Soul Contract might
be, “I will always fly under the radar in order to ensure that no one can notice
me and then target me and make me feel vulnerable.” Soul Contracts are meant
to “fix” a belief or feeling we have about ourselves – but in the long run, they
just create challenge after challenge until we finally look at them.
Deep down, at the Soul level, many people believe that they are not good
enough. Not good enough as a person. Not good enough as a man, wife,
daughter, mother, worker, knitter... (I’m sure you can think of a few places
where you hold this belief yourself). And since we humans are crafty people,
we’ve come up with plenty of ways (ie Soul Contracts) to make ourselves feel
like we’re good enough, even if we don’t quite believe it.
In relationships, the “not good enough” theme is very popular. Here are five
Soul Contracts around that theme and how they can affect your friendships.
ONE Soul Contract: Overgiving This is the number one most common Soul
Contract for people struggling with believing they are good enough. In order
to make up for our own perceived shortcomings, we try to help, rescue and
fix everyone around us. That way, the person we helped will see what a really
good person we are – and that will help us believe it ourselves.
• First step: Although, to actually master and release this (and any)
Soul Contract you must change the belief on which it is based, your
first step in starting to uncover this contract would be to simply resist
giving un-asked for advice or assistance. Sounds easy right? But for
someone with an Overgiving Soul Contract, this could be one of the
most difficult actions to accomplish!
TWO Soul Contract: Sacrifice/Suffering Sometimes, people choose to prove
how good they are by sacrificing themselves for the good of others. This could
happen in very obvious ways (giving the last cookie to your friend for example)
or in not so obvious ways such as agreeing to drive your friend to the airport at
2am even though you have a huge 7am meeting the next day. So many of us are
taught that we should take care of others before taking care of ourselves – and
those with the Sacrifice/Suffering Soul Contract take this idea very far in order
to prove how wonderful they really are to themselves.
First Step: Again, to completely release this energy from your life
you must change the underlying belief to a positive one of, “I am
good, through and through no matter what,” there is an important first
step you can take to get to know how deeply ingrained this contract
is in your life. Just hunt it down. Start observing yourself in big and
small areas of your day to see where you are sacrificing yourself for
others, perhaps without even knowing it. The more familiar you are
with how this shows up for you, the eventually more easy it will be
to change the underlying belief and release the need to sacrifice for
others. Just start keeping an eye out for when you can’t say, “no,”
because that is sign that your Sacrifice/Suffering Soul Contract is
THREE Soul Contract: Control The funny thing about Soul Contracts is that
some of them, to a point, can create some seemingly wonderful friendships.
For example, the Soul Contract of Control is all about doing things yourself,
managing projects to a “T” and making sure that you know exactly what is
going on. In the world or friends this Soul Contract would create quite a lot
of friends (because who wouldn’t want you handling everything and making
sure all plans go smoothly?) – and that would feel good, which would in turn
help you feel good about yourself. (See how sneaky we all are? We hide these
things so well from ourselves!) The problem with this contract arises when we
don’t feel OK during the times when we don’t actually have control or when
our friends don’t behave the way we want them to. If having control of your
relationships makes you feel better, you probably have a Control contract!
FIRST STEPS: Releasing a Control contract doesn’t mean that you will
no longer have control of anything in your life. Instead, it means that
you will no longer NEED control in order to feel good.
The first step to mastering the Control contract will be to start calling
out all the places in your life where you must control things. Do you always turn your
car blinker off yourself? Do you like to be the one to hang up the phone
first? You must begin by uncovering all the little places this contract
hides – because it’s a very tricky one!
As you call these contracts out, you’ll start to noticing how many decisions
you’ve been making because of them. Just being aware of this will make
you feel more empowered in these areas. And that’s just what it takes to start
changing your beliefs about yourself – the strength to make actual changes!